Pole Dancing, Pus, and Bike Share

20 01 2011

Hairy Pole Dancer

Saw a young lady the other day for a festering boil in her armpit.  It wasn’t the first time she had been in to the ER for the same problem, and the scar from her previous drainage was visible adjacent to today’s incision.  She had been shaving her armpits, and I explained to her that she should consider going au natural.  She responded that she needed to shave for her job.  Of course, the next obvious questions was “What do you do?”

“I’m a dancer.”

“Cool.  What kind of dance? Ballet, Jazz, Lindyhop?”

“Exotic”

Wasn’t sure how to respond.  (“Oh, how lovely! Are the benefits good?”) My silence was two-fold.  I felt silly about not knowing what “dancer” really means, and I fully understood why it would be necessary to be well shorn while you are sticking your junk up in someone else’s grill.  My ill-conceived response was less than ideal.

“Well . . . I think . . . I guess . . . don’t you think your clients might prefer to see pit hair than pus?”

I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut.

Plague Vector

Boulder Bike Share is coming to Boulder.  Continuing the recent trend of  using  Walt’s blog as fodder for my blog, here’s Walt’s take on it. http://waltworks.blogspot.com/2009/06/boulder-to-implement-bike-share-program.html  Keep in mind that Walt is grumpy and cynical (and hilarious).  Personally, I like the novelty of the idea, no matter how impractical.   (n.b., we still have Bike Share T-shirts in stock and on sale.)  Just elevating the awareness of bicycle riding is always good in my book.  It’s better than wasting our money and efforts protecting plague-infested vermin (read, prairie dogs), even if they are kinda cute.





Perfect 63 year old boobs and Huffy bikes

17 01 2011

Here’s is a joke I heard in Mexico years ago.  What’s between an old lady’s breasts?

Answer: Her navel

Saw a lady the other day who the ambulance brought in after a car wreck.  She was 63 years old and complaining of chest pain.  Aside from the usual blunt chest trauma work-up, she insisted that I exam her implants for rupture.   Not an unreasonable request.  When I pulled back the gown, I was treated to an eyeful of perfectly round and perky boobs.  The bounty before me made me pause and hesitate.  She was, as stated before, over 60.  Her knockers, however, were 20 . . . and spectacular.   Unable to resolve the contradiction, I palpated around briefly, and then left the room before my head exploded.

In Walt’s latest blog/rant, he quotes Dirt Rag’s latest gear review of Airborne Bikes.   If you actually read the Dirt Rag article, you’ll find that Airborne is actually a baby company of Huffy.  I wondered what ever happened to Huffy.  I suppose there are lots of brands that are really Huffy bikes with fancier decals.   With my first couple duel sus bikes, I bragged that I had the most Huffyesque bike at races (K2 and Haro), and I liked the idea that everyone else’s bike would get stolen well before mine.  I’ve always talked about riding Leadville on a Huffy, just cus.  But you can’t find em anymore.  I guess I can just get an Airborne now.





Walt’s Package and Mountain Flyer Ad

15 01 2011

Walt's Package

No, not that package.  We’ve got a special deal on a combo of a Walt Works Team shirt and socks. Buy both to save some coin.  We’ll be running a mega package with his new Team Cycling kit which will be out in March.  Look out for it.

If you don’t subscribe to Mountain Flyer, you should.  If you do, flip to page 73.  It’s purty.

Congrats to Jenn and Stuart, who appear to have summited Mount Kilimanjaro.  They will be descending on mountain bikes.  Too, too cool.  We are all jealous.  Details at www.regen2climb.com





Toothy Ovaries and Alchemist on Kilimanjaro

10 01 2011

Bum a lift back to where I belong?

The weather outside is frightful, but inside, the ER is delightful, which may explain why everyone seems to want to come to the ER when it’s sh*t outside.   Crap weather usually dissuades the lazier, less motivated un-sick to brave the elements just to see yours truly.  But yesterday’s crowd was apparently bred from a heartier stock of patients.  Aside from the usual colds and nosebleeds, saw a lady with belly pain who had teeth in her ovaries.  Whether this may have been the cause of her pain was beside the point.  The presence of dentition in her reproductive organs prompted the obligatory debate amongst the ER staff of whether those pearly whites represented her reabsorbed twin.  This, of course, would mandate that she have TWICE the powers of an ordinary human.

Saw another couple because they were innocently enjoying a beverage at the local bar when the next thing they knew, he was being arrested, and she was getting a ride home from a friend.  In a Hangover-esque type script, they had somehow ended up 40 miles away from the bar, him in cuffs, and her, bewildered about how they ended up there.  Neither of them remembered a thing between the last drink and the Big House.  They were looking to get tested for GHB or some kind of date-rape type drug.   To my amazement, we actually have a date-rape drug panel.  GHB, Rohypnol, Ketamine, among others.  With 30cc of urine and a sizable chunk of coin, you can find out if that Roofie really was the culprit for last night’s amnestic shenanigans.  Or maybe you were just really drunk.  Again.

Mount Kilimanjaro downhill course

Jen and Stuart are currently in the early stages of their adventure up to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro.  This is no ordinary trip though.  They will taking bicycles up with them (well the porters will be taking them).  They will then descend on two wheels back to base camp.  Jenn is bringing an Alchemist softshell jacket with her to sport on the summit.  We are rooting for you!

Check out some of the vid here:  http://www.regen2climb.com/





New Year’s Shift and New Alchemist Kits

2 01 2011

Started the New Year off with a bang.  Saw a fella, who, for the last year,  feels like vomiting whenever he has a vigorous poop.  It must have been his New Year’s resolution to get that checked out.  As due diligence would dictate, I ordered the standard post-vigorous poop-feel-like-tossing-my-cookies protocol.  Shockingly, I found nothing wrong with the guy.  Sent him home a shrug and the obligatory I-have-no-clue-what’s-wrong-with-you-but-I-think-you-will-live speech.  Happy New Year.

New Alchemist Team kits are in!  Ehlixir thermal softshell jackets and vests too.

Team Green Machine package deal details:

Team Green Machine

  • Team Green Machine<br>

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Purchase the Team Kit (Jersey + Bibs or Shorts)
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  • Free pair of bamboo Team socks with kit ($15 value)
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  • Green Machine Rider Code: Recycle, Leave No Trace, Ride Nice.







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