Night shift ranting

26 05 2010

If you haven’t checked it out yet, go to to see the new website.  Let me know it you find any bugs or have any suggestions. 

As per my M.O., I seem to only find inspiration to write during or after night shifts. After 2 in a row, I feel remarkably perky.  Lots of stuff happening with Alchemist, but I’ll get to that.

Had a fellow brought in by the ambulance for being unconscious outside of Burger King.  He was able to mumble that he had a seizure disorder and that he had NOT been drinking.  After blowing a 350 (over 4 times the legal limit), we put the rails up, tightened the soft restraints, and tucked him in for the rest of the night. When I checked on him in the morning he was sober enough to boot, so I told him we were going to call his wife to come pick him up.  His eyes widened,
“Uh oh.”
“You’re in trooooouble.”
“Oh man, do you have to tell my wife why I’m here?”
“I can if you want me to.”
“No. No. No.”
“You’re in trooooouble.”
“Oh man.”

As much as I wanted to yank his chain, I figured that he wasn’t in the mood.  Since he behaved, for the most part, during his stay, I let him off easy.  I’m getting soft in my old age.  He was at least more tolerable than the kid who came in wanting pain meds for his sore knee.  I looked him up in the drug database and found out that he had just had a boatload of Percocet prescribed for him a few days ago.  I tried to give him every opportunity to give it to me straight, but he just kept his eyes on the T.V. and said he only had Advil to take.  After I explained to him that I knew about the Percs, he shook his head, then nodded it. He explained that they threw a big party the night before, and someone stole all his meds.  I was too tired to deal with the cops or call his doctor, and he was a really stupid kid, so in the end, I just kicked him out with nothing but his discharge papers to soothe his aching knee.
Makes me want to sell t-shirts for a living.

On a less bitter note, Walt Wehner of Walt Works came by to buy a shirt for his buddy’s wife the other day.  “T.V. Sucks, Ride Your Bike.”  I was out mowing the lawn with my crappy push mower.  I’ve sworn to myself that I would get rid of that thing every summer for the last 6 years.  Walt told me to stop being a girl, and that the mower wasn’t that bad.  He proceeded to run all over my front lawn pushing the mower around like a redheaded step child.
“But you didn’t run over any sticks.  The sticks jam up the rotors, and you have to pull them out or it won’t mow.”

I placed a stick in the way and told him to try to mow over it.  He plowed over it and snapped it like a twig.
“Stop being a girl.”
“The stick wasn’t big enough.”
“Stop your whining.  You know you could attach this to the front end of a bike . . . .”

I told him he was crazy and came up with a dozen reasons why it wouldn’t work.
“Well, I am offering a free conversion to anyone who wants to convert their mower to a bike-mower.”

Well, it’s hard to argue with free, so we’re going to make my crappy push mower into the sweetest bike-push-mower in history.  Once it’s done, we’ll have some cool pics for you to drool on.  I’m not sure if it will be bike porn or mower porn, but it will be porn.

Lots of other things to blog about, but those sleepless night are catching up now.  But before signing off, I need to give big props to Ken for backing up his 12 hours Clydesdale world champion title with a win in the Boulder short track race today.  Ken, you will be called a sandbagger if you keep winning the C’s. I’ve got a lot of work to do if I’m going to keep up in the Breck Epic.

Last thing, if you haven’t already, vote (for me) in the blog contest for the Epic.
If you want to read the entries: go to the discussion tab.
Contest ends on June 11.  Tell all your friends, put it on Facebook, Tweet it, email it.  Do whatever it takes cus I’m getting my ass kicked right now in the polls.

Thanks, all.




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