Holding true to the ER mantra, “No good deed goes unpunished”, I got rocked tonight. One of the docs was feeling like crap, so I came in to work his shift. Monday evenings suck anyway, but I was ready to go postal just 5 minutes into my shift. I found the nurse taking care of my first patient of the shift.
“What’s up in room 4?”
“She’s not gonna be happy that you’re on.”
“Uh, why? Cus I’m a man or because I’m Asian.”
“You misdiagnosed her husband, and she told me she would never ever come back to this hospital. She hates this place. Well, she hates you anyway. She wrote a super long complaint letter to the hospital about you.”
“Awesome. Looking foward to visiting with her again.”
Despite feeling like a dead man walking, I put on my biggest happy face and went to go face the music, even if it sounded like GWAR on a bad trip.
“Hi, I’m Jeff. I’m the ER doc here.”
“I know who you are. You saw my husband a couple years ago.”
“Yea. That’s what I hear. How’s he doing?”
“He’s fine now. But he almost died. You said it was this, but wasn’t. It was that. Luckily, that other doctor happen to be there, and he saved him.”
After I’d evaluated her for her present complaint (insect bite to the forehead), I went out to look up the records for her husband. As it turns out, I diagnosed her husband’s condition correctly, ordered further testing to evaluate the problem, consulted the specialist, and transferred him for definitive care. Though I knew I’d be better off just leaving things alone, I couldn’t help but return to the room to burst her acid filled bubble. She really didn’t have much to say after that. But she did say before she left that her husband wanted to thank me. I suppose that’s some consolation.
More interestingly, I saw a lady with a plugged milk duct. It hurt bad. I kneaded and squeezed to no avail. Luckily, the lactation nurse happen to be in the hospital, and she came over to lend a hand. She really got it going. It was like a La Leche-inspired dairy fireworks display in room 5. Breast milk was flying all over the place. Spraying everyone and everything in site. I found some good pics of examples online, but I figured it may not be appropriate for the pg-13 crowd.
If you get Mountain Flyer, you may have received the latest issue. If not, check it out on the stand at most major bookstores. Then flip to page 111. Yeah, baby!
Pics of the Alchemist Kit shoot up at West Mag to come in the next post.
Team Alchemist Blog 
All’s well that ends well, right? Glad you were able to set her straight, although it seems like she knew the truth all along. Strange. Blame the bug bite, it might have perforated her skull and gone to her brain. Did you consider that possibility Dr. Wu? PS: Know any way I can get a better deal on a xtracycle hook-up kit?
You should have asked her if she was sure it was you…. cause, you know, we all look alike.
Gotta love how info gets skewed. Recently had a pt’s wife complain when her husband developed a big L hemothorax after our PA did a thoracentesis. The referring DOC told the family that obviously we had punctured the heart or the aorta. Only problem was there was an op report from the CV surgeons where they saw active bleeding from a ruptured bleb far from the thora site. But referring doc thought it was better to try to throw us under the bus instead of reading the Op note on his own pt. C’est la vie.