Burning Nostrils and The Cape Epic

30 03 2011

Neti Pot

Saw a young lady who gagged on her medication which had gotten stuck in her throat.  As she gagged,  partially dissolved pill particles filled her nostrils.  The medication she’s on is apparently quite acidic, and it caused her a great deal of distress, physical and emotional.  Her watering eyes grew puffier and puffier as she belted out profanity-laced screams for help.  The solution, of course, was simple.  I sprung into action and called for a massive dose of pharmaceutical-grade Neti Pot.  Neti-Pot, baby.  Okay,  so we don’t actually have a Neti Pot in the ER.  But a 60cc syringe and a Sodium Bicrabonate solution is the next best thing.   It worked, sort of.  She felt better while neti-potting, but was back to burning when she finished.  So I did what any good doctor would do.  I ignored the root cause of her problem and tried to mask it with nebulized Lidocaine.  It worked, sort of .  Her tongue was completely numb anyway.  But it was all still better than seeing another young lady with abdominal pain without a cause.

Thomas and Mike with the Justin’s Nutbutter Team have been battling heat, exhaustion, and other competitors down in South Africa in the Cape Epic.  95 degree temps and more dust than West Texas.  Sounds fun.  These guys are silly strong.  It’s March, and they are in peak condition.  It’s early enough in the season that I still think that a hour on the trainer is a big effort.  Check out the video.

Taint Love

26 03 2011

In the spirit of proliferating more semi-inappropriate propaganda about the netheregions, here is the Alchemist sticker as promised.  Available for purchase?  Maybe.

Alchemist Tainted Love Sticker

Brings a whole new meaning to Soft Cell

Taint Pus is great fodder for creativity

12 03 2011

So I had a guy face down, moaning, on all fours in the stretcher the other day.

He’d been languishing on a business trip with a sore tush and a long airplane ride.   He stepped off the plane, drove to the hospital, and lay there prone in my ER, waitin’ for his doctor.   After an awkard introduction, we got down to business, and I found a juicy lump o’ pus sittin’ on his taint.  We got him set up for a little slice and dice.  Certainly, an 11 blade scalpel in your taint can’t feel good, but my guy was a trooper.  He bit the pillow and muffled his sobbing–enough for me to do some thinking.   I had a sudden Eureka moment as I was milking his abscess.

“Taint. Taint. Tainted.  Tainted Love . . . TAINTED LOVE!”

Could be a great sticker.  Seriously.   Ser-i-ous-ly.  Working out the design.  Stay tuned.

Just another Casualty of Chair Hanky Panky

6 03 2011

Crime Scene

Saw a fella the other day for back pain.  He was already on some heavy narcs at home for his chronic pain.  We did what we normally do for these folks.  IV, more narcs, home.  He left a happy camper.  In fact, he felt so good by the time he left, that he went home and got jiggy with his girlfriend in a chair.   After four hours (allegedly) of X-Rated “Sit-and-Be-Fit”, she zigged and he zagged, and out went his back again.  Bought himself another trip to the ER, this time in an ambulance.

The Wool Jerseys are so close I can almost taste em.  If all goes as planned, we should have them in hand tomorrow.

Do you do Vagina Exams? and NAHBS!

2 03 2011

Had a  lady who approached the front desk and introduced herself with “Do you do Vagina exams?” 

“Yes ma’am, we are the industry leader in vagina exams.”

Snappy comments like this are best relegated to the deeper, darker places in my head.  My wife says I have no secondary processing.  Occassionally, however, I manage to subdue the urge to verbalize my first thought, which is good, since I nearly called out a lady today for fakin’ it.  She was holding a bucket to her face and heaving into it when I walked in.

“Do you feel like you need to throw up?”


“I’ll take that as a ‘Yes'”

Her arm suddenly dropped, and the bucket went tumbling onto the floor.  I stifled the primary instinct to inwardly roll my eyes and blurt out, “Oh, come on.”

Her eyes were open and she seemed to be awake, but then I shuffled closer and realized that she had turned a ghostly whitish green.  The lights were on, but nobody was home.

In the end, she was okay.  But I would have hated to act like a jerk in front of her husband when she was really kinda sick. 

Claire and Hannah tore it up at NAHBS this past weekend.  Since folks seem to have a hard time making up their minds, we are going to extend the NAHBS special for a little more time.  But if you’ve been considering rockin a custom kit, now would be a good time to get off your keester.  Seriously. Screamin deals on custom cycling jerseys and kits.

%d bloggers like this: