26 05 2012


Turning mortals into gods, and nice guys into Stravassholes.

Team Alchemist may do custom cycling jerseys and apparel, but we are also cyclists.  Not just a bunch of cyclists, we are friendly cyclists.   You aren’t invited to be on the team if you ride like a jerk.  There is a circumstance, however, that threatens to tip the scales of nicetude.   We’ve been able to manage the side effects of this irresistible force thus far, but many a rider has succumbed to this strange addiction.

A good number of folks around here have become obsessed with the phenomenon known as Strava.  Using a gps device, you can track your rides, and compare your times to other riders.   What otherwise would be just another patch of dirt or road, becomes a proving ground for virility and bragging rights.  Acronyms like “KOM” (King of the Mountain) and “PR” (Personal Record) have become commonplace verbage among Strava dorks and stalkers.  Yes, you can stalk your favorite athlete via their Strava updates.  Like a sad little voyeur, you can see if Sonya Looney really climbed Lick Skillet twice, or if Heather Irmiger still holds the QOM for Poorman’s).   I get updates on Taylor Phinney’s ride in the Giro d’ Italia.  Vicarious living is what it’s come to.  But you know what?  It’s kinda fun.

In Dan’s words:

‘”Ignoring my inner voice telling me to slow down on the Betasso link descent, I thought of a couple of new words:

Strava-ing: Doing something completely stupid in pursuit of a segment PR (note: a PR in the bottom half of overall rankings in no way dampens one’s enthusiasm)

“I was so Strava-ing on that descent today”

Strava’d:  when gravity snaps you back to reality.

“Dude, I was definitely gonna break Geer’s Betasso descent time, but then I Strava’d. I’ll be eating solids again in 6 weeks when they remove the wires. I’m gonna be so buff.”

Stravasshole :  an individual Strava-ing at the expense of common courtesy.

“The Alchemist guys are usually really nice, but that guy was a stravasshole”‘

We are working hard in the Alchemist Lab to devise fancy new devices to improve our Strava times.  It’s a work in progress.

Developed for the Betasso Link descent

Developed for the Betasso Link descent

Developed for the climb up Flagstaff

Developed for the climb up Flagstaff

Not sure what this is for, but we are pretty sure it will make you faster

Not sure what this is for, but we are pretty sure it will make you faster



6 responses

26 05 2012

I totally KOM’d up Swiss Trail with that helium balloon!

31 05 2012
More Important Matters – Misfit Psycles – Liesnshite

[…] deep within mine bowel’ish loins did arise Peter Keiller: STRAVASSHOLE (a phrase coined by TEAM ALCHEMIST – presumably Mr Wu […]

8 06 2012
Return of The Yeti « Perpetual Three

[…] about sums it up. Here is the obligatory Strava summary of the ride. No Stravassholery was committed and no hikers were startled in the making of this […]

10 06 2012
Paul Hooge

I was reading different stratagies for maintaining ones KOM status.  One was to do a hill by your house then ride completely into your house for the finish.  If you keep your door locked no one will be able to duplicate it.

29 06 2012

You are no doubt aware of the wrongful death lawsuit being brought against Strava by the parents of a man hit and killed by a car while attempting to reclaim his KOM on a descent near Silicon Valley?

29 06 2012

We are very aware it. While his death was tragic and gut-wrenching, the fact of the matter is that the lawsuit itself is frivolous and without merit. The lawyer who filed this case is three years out of law school and appears to be looking for a publicity stunt to jumpstart her career. I can only hope the plan backfires, as she has clearly based her case on the fundamental notion that personal accountability does not exist. My heart goes out to his family, but there is unfortunately no one to blame.

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