Pole Dancing, Pus, and Bike Share

20 01 2011

Hairy Pole Dancer

Saw a young lady the other day for a festering boil in her armpit.  It wasn’t the first time she had been in to the ER for the same problem, and the scar from her previous drainage was visible adjacent to today’s incision.  She had been shaving her armpits, and I explained to her that she should consider going au natural.  She responded that she needed to shave for her job.  Of course, the next obvious questions was “What do you do?”

“I’m a dancer.”

“Cool.  What kind of dance? Ballet, Jazz, Lindyhop?”


Wasn’t sure how to respond.  (“Oh, how lovely! Are the benefits good?”) My silence was two-fold.  I felt silly about not knowing what “dancer” really means, and I fully understood why it would be necessary to be well shorn while you are sticking your junk up in someone else’s grill.  My ill-conceived response was less than ideal.

“Well . . . I think . . . I guess . . . don’t you think your clients might prefer to see pit hair than pus?”

I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut.

Plague Vector

Boulder Bike Share is coming to Boulder.  Continuing the recent trend of  using  Walt’s blog as fodder for my blog, here’s Walt’s take on it. http://waltworks.blogspot.com/2009/06/boulder-to-implement-bike-share-program.html  Keep in mind that Walt is grumpy and cynical (and hilarious).  Personally, I like the novelty of the idea, no matter how impractical.   (n.b., we still have Bike Share T-shirts in stock and on sale.)  Just elevating the awareness of bicycle riding is always good in my book.  It’s better than wasting our money and efforts protecting plague-infested vermin (read, prairie dogs), even if they are kinda cute.

Oprah and the Boulder Cup

30 10 2010

Oprah gives Alchemist a thumbs up!

I was talking to a friend the other day about how to get noticed.  She writes a blog about book reviews that gets a loyal following. Her advice to me, “Mention Oprah.”


“Yeah, Oprah is like gold.  You talk about Oprah, and you’re in.”

So here goes:  I saw Oprah at the Opera the other day.  Oprah and I are tight.  I told Oprah,”Oprah, you should host a TV show called, ‘Oprah'”.  Oprah told me Oprah already has a show called “Oprah”.  Oprah also has a Magazine called “O“, which stands for Oprah.  No doubt,  Oprah knows “Oprah”.

That should do it.

Boudler Cup at the old Harlow Platte

Boulder Cup is tomorrow.  It’s the biggest cyclocross race in the area.  It usually draw a large crowd of elite racers, spectators and cowbells.  Strangely, they moved locations from the traditional Harlow-Platte location to Flatirons Mall, in Broomfield.   Broomfield Cup doesn’t have the same catchiness, but I’m sure the racing and vibe will still be top notch.  We’ll be setting up shop at the race.  So if you are around, drop by the Alchemist booth for complimentary cookies and candy while you browse our designs and goods.   We’ll have race day specials, including the “Bike Share” shirts which we’ll be selling for $10 in celebration of the upcoming elections.  $10 for a slick 100% organic shirt?  I know, it’s criminal.

Jeff C. is arranging a Super Hall ride for tomorrow.  Most of us will be riding singlespeed.  If you are up for it, come along. I gotta set-up the booth in the am, then I’m going to let Hannah hold down the fort until Claire can get there.  So late morning start.  We hope to be done in time for the UCI pros in the afternoon.  See you there!

Tough audience and Al Gore

17 10 2010

Another night in the ER. Another blog post.

Occasionally, I see folks in the ER who don’t seem to be able to smile. I can understand if you or a family member is really sick or injured.  But for a sprained shoulder?  Come on, throw me a bone.  These were nice enough folks, but for whatever reason, the patient and her parents didn’t crack a smile or even show any affect, one way or the other.

I was able to get to her right away as they were being put into the room.  I had heard about the shoulder injury while she was in the waiting room, so I ordered the x-ray ahead of time.  The x-ray tech managed to beat me in there.

“Hey man, what’s up with the efficiency? This ain’t the way we do things around here.”


“You’re supposed to watch the end of the game before you come get the patient for her x-ray.”


“So, looks like we have another casualty of Homecoming.”

Crickets. Not even a chuckle.

“But you shoulda’ seen the other guy, right?”

Chirp. . . . .Chirp.

That’s pretty much how the rest of her visit went.  Me, trying ever harder to get a response.  Them, giving me nothing.

“Hey, is this an audience or an oil painting?”

It got me wondering.  Is it me?  Do I have spinach in my teeth?  A Tarzan hangin’ out of my nose?  Do I smell of like rotten eggs? (well, probably.  I made a mean dish of red beans and rice.)  I know I’m no Seinfeld, but most folks at least throw me a little love, out of pity, if nothing else.

Of course, the icing was when Becky, the nurse, went in to put on her sling, they were all yucking it up like Dave Chappell had paid a visit.   As much as I tried to shut it out, I could still hear the roars of laughter from across the ER.  I guess you can’t win em all.

Jim came over the other day to buy a couple Bike Share shirts and some Alchemist bamboo socks.  He was going to wear the shirt at a party with a bunch of environmental bigwigs, including Al Gore.  He told me he’d try to get Al to buy one.

“Buy one?  Heck, he can have one!”

I ran down to the basement to grab an X-Large shirt.  “Jim, if you can get me a photo of Al Gore wearing this shirt, you can have all that stuff for free.”

“I’ll try.”

“Don’t let me down, Jim.”

So, here’s to hoping Jim can bring home the gold.

Limited edition Dan Maes “Bike Share” available for pre-order

14 08 2010

Alchemist would once again like to thank Dan Maes for inspiring the two year old in all of us.  It’s something we’ve all been brainwashed to accept.  Sharing.  But no longer, right Danno?  We cyclists are all behind you on this one (laughing).  Sharing SUCKS!

“Bike Share” is now available for pre-order on the Alchemist site.   100% organic, ring-spun cotton.  Itch-Free, tagless label.  Phthalate-Free ink.   Plantable, seeded hang-tag.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.  Available in men’s and women’s.   Expected arrival date of Sept 21, 2010. For the folks who can’t squint hard enough to read the type, it goes like this: Bike Share is the Gateway to Sinister World Domination. “This is bigger than it looks on the surface . . .” -Dan “McCarthy” Maes.

This is a limited edition design.  When they’re gone, they’re gone.

Thank You Card and Dan Maes Wins Primary!

11 08 2010

One more follow-up from the previous post “Cheating Death“.  I received a very nice card from his wife today.  On the front is a picture of him in a lake with his dog.  His wife tells me that he is nearly 100% back to normal, and he is back to enjoying regular life again.  Incredible.  When I first met him, he was ghost white, his pupils were fixed, and he didn’t have a pulse.  He was dead.  That is one tough hombre.  His wife is pretty darned tough too.

Check out the Alchemist Review in Boulder.me.  Written by Jennifer Roberts, who has a pretty sweet blog herself, www.rideboulderco.com.  It’s filled with effervescent prose about biking in Boulder.  She has nice style.

So I’m sure you all stayed up late last night, holding your breath, waiting for the outcome of the republican gubernatorial primary election results.  I’m please to announce that our good friend and bike advocate, Dan “McCarthy” Maes, won!  We’ll be rolling out the commemorative “Bike Share” T in a few weeks.  It will be a limited edition run, so tell all your friends to hop on the bandwagon cus it’s about to be all hitched up and gone.  Here is the final edit.

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